How Do I
by DestinysFate
Summary: Spike, injured in a motorcycle accident, finds himself in a hospital where he sets his sights on Buffy, a volunteer nurse. Angel, his brother, likes her too. Who will she choose? Will she choose at all? For she holds a secret that would shatter it all.
1. HOW they met

~How do I~  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own them characters. Joss Whedon does. Darn. . . Hmpt.  
  
Summary: Spike, injured in a motorcycle accident, finds himself in a hospital where he sets his sights on Buffy, a volunteer nurse. Angel, his brother, comes to like her too. Who will Buffy choose? More importantly, will she choose at all? For she keeps a secret that would shatter it all. . .  
  
********** **********  
  
How do I live without you? I want to know. How do I breathe without you, if you ever go. . . How do I ever, ever survive? How do I., How do I, How do I live?  
  
Without you. . .There would be no sun in my sky. There would be no love in my life. There would be no world left for me. . . And I. . Baby I don't know what I would do. I'd be lost if I lost you. If you ever go, baby you would take away everything good in my life. . .And tell me now. . .  
  
How do I live without you?  
  
********** **********  
  
A teenage girl blinked away the tears as she lowered the small wrinkled paper to her side.  
  
"Oh, Riley. . .You have no idea. . ." She whispered to the tall man's retreating form.  
  
The paper made a crunching sound as she squeezed it between her fingers. Taking a calming breath, she sighed to herself and tossed his love for her into the garbage bin.  
  
The blonde girl felt a tugging at her side and looked down to meet the green, innocent eyes of Kayla.  
  
"Wus da madder Buppy?" The little girl hugged her teddy bear to her chest. It stared back at her with its one button eye as if waiting for an answer itself. Kayla tilted her head to the side, her brown locks falling over her eyes.  
  
Buffy sent her a small smile and shook her head, "Nothing's the matter."  
  
The little girl squinted at the taller one, then her nose wrinkled. "Well, you don' wook wike you usually do."  
  
The blonde laughed, "Oh?" She crouched down, "And what do I usually 'wook wike'?"  
  
Kayla continued to squint and put her hand on her hips, "Your eyes aren't a'ways. . ." she explained, thin lips creating a perfect 'o' when she said 'always.'  
  
Buffy frowned when she didn't continue, "Always what?"  
  
The small girl sighed and brought a hand to Buffy's cheek. "Your eyes. . .Day so sad."  
  
Buffy sniffed and blinked away the tears that were threatening to spill over. Brushing some brown locks out of Kayla's face, she commented, "You're a very perceptive girl, you know that?"  
  
Her face scrunched up again, "Is dat a good thing?"  
  
Buffy laughed and scooped the girl up and into her arms, "Depends." Nuzzling the girls hair, she scolded lightly, "Why are you up so late? You're supposed to be asleep."  
  
The tiny bundle threw a sheepish grin, "I saw you walk by my room and then I saw your pro. . .tect. . .errr. . ."  
  
Buffy smiled at that as she carried Kayla to her room, "You saw my protector? Riley?"  
  
The small girl wrinkled her nose and shook her head, "No, not Wiley. I saw- "  
  
"Kayla! Oh, there you are," a chubby, old woman with gray hair wobbled into the room with a clipboard, "It's late. You really should be in sleep, doctors orders." she reached for Kayla who rolled her eyes and allowed herself to be leaded back to her room. Waving goodnight to the blonde teenager, the small girl disappeared with the chubby woman behind the closing elevator doors.  
  
Buffy stared silently at the shut doors, memories flashing back to the time when her own mother had been the one to wave goodbye to her. Her mother had loved her so much, but when her family found out, her family was torn apart-  
  
Buffy shook her head. Best not to think about those things. They're things of the past. The past doesn't matter because you can't do anything about it.  
  
Sighing to herself, she walked over to the front counter and greeted the late-shift employee, with a wave, while the girl ended her call.  
  
"Hello, Buffy. How are you doing?" The blonde at the desk asked after setting the phone back into its cradle.  
  
Buffy shrugged, "You know. Same ol'. Same ol'."  
  
The girl nodded, "Ah, I see. So things aren't going well?"  
  
Sighing, she hopped onto the counter and replied, "Yeah. . .You know me too well, Tara."  
  
Tara laughed and shook her head, "Well, I do. But it may also have something to do with me just seeing Riley walk out of here a few minutes ago," she paused and waited for Buffy's reaction. Nothing but her face turning away. "He looked upset."  
  
Buffy finally looked back at the employee with sad eyes. "Of course he's upset." She pressed her palms to her eyes, "They're all always upset. It's not my fault though." She began to sniff, her breath coming out unevenly. "I- I warn them, t-they all know what they're g-getting into. . .they're a- all just so s-stubborn!"  
  
Tara looked at her friend, helpless. This was the third guy who broke up with Buffy and Tara knew, she couldn't do anything about it but hand her tissues and hold her while she cried. Soothing words would do nothing but hurt her best friend even more. . .because they both knew that what she said would mean nothing, do nothing.  
  
Buffy's silent sobs subsided and she dabbed her eyes dry. "I'm ok, now. I'm fine."  
  
Tara smiled, "That's good." after a beat, the blonde asked, "Hey. Why don't we go out and get something to eat? I'll get someone else to cover for me."  
  
Buffy smiled gratefully but frowned. "But it's late," she pointed out.  
  
Tara spun in her chair to glance at the clock, "So?" Buffy laughed. "We can get something at Taco Bell-"  
  
Sirens cut off her suggestion and flickering lights shone through the automatic sliding doors. An ambulance pulled up and brought in a man bleeding heavily.  
  
"Oh my God," Tara gasped, jogging over to the patient.  
  
Buffy's eyes widened, "What happened to him?"  
  
"Motorcycle accident," a voice answered for her.  
  
"Oh God. . ." Buffy whispered as she watched the bloodied man being rolled by. His skin was so pale, such a contrast to the red that surrounded him. His eyes opened a crease and Buffy gasped at the blueness of his eyes. She felt something tug at her at the sight of him. Something that she couldn't quite place her finger on. . .  
  
She unconsciously followed them down the hall and into the emergency room.  
  
Tara finally noticed her inside the room as well and proceeded to push her out, "Buffy, you can't be in here."  
  
Buffy tried to see over Tara's shoulder, "I know, but-"  
  
"Buffy, you know this. You can't be in here."  
  
"I-"  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
"Alright!" Buffy finally gave up and slumped into one of the black chairs lining the wall right outside the room.  
  
Lost in her thoughts, Buffy failed to notice the male sitting across from her until she heard someone sniff. Pulling her head up, she met the brown, soulful eyes of a brunette man.  
  
In pure sincerity, Buffy asked, "Are you alright?"  
  
The man stared into her eyes, "That's my brother in there."  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
A/N: *yawn* This is the worst writing I've ever done. But you know That's ok. *yawn* It's like. . .midnight and I'm having writer's block in all my stories. So. . .Yeah. In the morning, I might see how I did on this and I just might delete it. But if turns out to be better than I expected with a lot of "please continue!" reviews, then maybe I will consider continuing it. =P lol  
  
Please be kind a review. =) Pleeeease tell me if I should continue with this. PLEASE. 


	2. DO you lie or tell the truth?

~How do I~  
  
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Joss Whedon. They're all Joss' toys, but he says that I'm allowed to play with them for now. ^_^  
  
Summary: Spike, injured in a motorcycle accident, finds himself in a hospital where he sets his sights on Buffy, a volunteer nurse. Angel, his brother, comes to like her too. Who will Buffy choose? More importantly, will she choose at all? For she keeps a secret that could -that would- shatter it all. . .  
  
A/N: *jaw hanging open* Let me just say how surprised I am at finding people who reviewed and wanted me to continue with this story. *huggles to everyone* Thanks. You have no idea how much that means! *wipes tear* I really don't think I'll ever get used to getting reviews. =)  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
A soft knock echoed in Spike's hazed-filled mind.  
  
"How is he?" A female voice asked quietly. The owner of the voice, he assumed, walked over to the side of his bed and he forced his eyes to pry open.  
  
The girl lay a hand on his, letting the blonde man welcome the warmth. Smiling to himself, he closed his eyes in content and gently wrapped his fingers around her offered hand.  
  
Agatha Richards nodded, "The patient's doing fine."  
  
Buffy looked down at the man holding her hand, he was squinting at her. "How are you doing?" She asked softly, blocking the light that was glaring in his eyes from the window.  
  
Staring up at glowing green eyes, he gasped when he saw the light encasing her fragile form like a halo. "Is. . .Is this--Am I in heaven?"  
  
Buffy giggled at his question and his lips quirked into a lopsided grin.  
  
"You have a beautiful laugh," he complimented.  
  
Buffy smiled, "Thank you. You're sweet."  
  
"Just speaking the truth, luv."  
  
Agatha turned towards the two blondes and glanced at her watch. "Come on, dear," she commanded, shooing the girl with her hands, "It's time for-"  
  
Buffy cut her off, "Yeah, yeah. I know. . ."  
  
She squeezed his hand gently in goodbye and his eyelids drifted close, his grip on her loosening. Turning to her close friend, she asked shyly, "Can I come back tomorrow? When he's awake?"  
  
Agatha hesitated at first, but considered this, "Maybe. . .But he needs his rest."  
  
Her eyes sparkled, "I promise I won't take away much of his time."  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
The next day, she returned as promised, slipping into the white room and creeping towards the man's side. Agatha later entered the room with a glass of water.  
  
Seeing the couple together, it created a cute picture: two young lovebirds, ready to spend the rest of their life- Agatha mentally shook herself. Like that was anything close to the truth.  
  
She let out a breath and sat in her usual seat, half taking notes on his progress and half watching the two talk away. Agatha wasn't stupid. She could see the attraction there; anyone could. But it wasn't like they could take anything farther than that, she added sadly as she stepped out of the room, unnoticed, when she finished her notes.  
  
Returning 2 hours or so later, she found Buffy still sitting on the bed with her hand in his. They really *did* make a cute couple.  
  
"Buffy," she called.  
  
Buffy nodded and squeezed his hand gently as she did before, but he protested with a firm grip of his own.  
  
Smiling apologetically, she waved to the man in bed and was about to leave the room when he croaked, "Where are you going?"  
  
"I need to go take my-" Buffy stopped and thought quickly. If I tell him the truth now, I might never see if the two of us could ever work out. He seems like a really nice guy. . . She stared into his eyes and felt that same tug. Something inside of her was telling her that this was the one. He was the one she was destined for. Buffy almost laughed at herself for thinking such. I mean, "destiny?" Riiiight. . .  
  
She was about to tell him the truth, but paused. This was nuts. Destiny was only in movies and described in books.  
  
But still. . .  
  
"I need to go take my. . .self. . .I need to take my*self* to the next level upstairs." She backed up to the door, "I have to see some patients."  
  
Agatha frowned and gave Buffy a curious look. As she opened her lips to say something, Buffy sent her a pleading look that begged for her to play along. Hesitating, she sighed and nodded.  
  
"Patients?" He asked.  
  
Buffy played with the edge of her white shirt uncomfortably, "Um. . .Yeah. I'm a- err. . .a-a nurse." She nodded to herself, looking as if she was coming to a decision, "Yeah. That's it. I'm a volunteer nurse."  
  
The blonde's eyes brightened, "Does that mean I'll be seeing more of you, pet?"  
  
"Maybe."  
  
Agatha snapped her fingers, disturbing the longing stare the two had been sharing and finally closed the door with Buffy behind it. Seating herself back in her chair, she jotted a few notes down on her clipboard.  
  
After some silence, he finally spoke up. "She's nice." he stared out dreamily, "Is she seeing anybody?"  
  
Agatha jumped, hand over her racing heart, "Dear Lord, I thought you were asleep," she shook her head and took a calming breath, "Yes, she is quite a nice young lady." She went back to her papers. Without looking up, she commented on his other question, "And no, she isn't. Why do you ask?"  
  
He shrugged, "Just curious."  
  
Agatha gave him a doubtful look. And here comes another one, Agatha thought, that darling girl is gonna break so many hearts.  
  
She sighed and tapped her pen, "Are you sure that's all?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"William," she said, using his name to bring him to pay attention instead of staring wistfully at the door, "are you positive?" Waiting a few seconds, she continued to press, "You like her, don't you?"  
  
He slid his gaze to her and a small smile graced his lips, "That's not a problem, is it?" He shifted and closed his eyes, dozing off.  
  
Agatha sighed. Yes, here comes another one.  
  
"Oh yes." she looked sympathetically at the sleeping form, "It is a problem indeed," The old woman replied quietly.  
  
Hospitals were places of healing, but she wasn't sure that what this young man was to face would ever heal the pain that was soon to come.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
A/N: *YAwN* Dearie, me. *yAwN* It's ironic how I'm writing a chapter -to this story- at midnight again. *giggles* I'm such a freak. . .I should really try writing when it's daylight. . .Oh yes, and sorry if this chappie's too short. Oh, and I KNOW that this chapter must've been confusing. . .Sorry. . .*sheepish grin* I'll see what I think of this chapter tomorrow to see if I should reedit it and whatnot. *stretches and snuggles into blanket* Right now, I'm just gonna go to sleep. *sleepy grin*  
  
Please be kind and review. =) I was really happy to see the reviews I got last time, I would appreciate it if I got some feedback on this one as well. ^_~ Thanks all for reading and reviewing. 


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